The Pyschological Impact of Spanking Children

I received another great article about spanking today.  It is brief, but had a few things in it that I had never considered, namely, that the slapping of little hands inhibits curiosity. You can check it out at the following link: The Psychological Impact of Spanking Your Kids

Another Anti-Spanking Rant

"The claim that mild punishments (slaps or smacks) have no detrimental effect is still widespread because we received this message very early from our parents who had taken it over from their parents. Unfortunately, the main damage it causes is precisely the broad dissemination of this conviction. The result is that each successive generation is subjected to the tragic effects of so-called 'physical correction.' ... Physical cruelty and emotional humiliation not only leave their marks on children, they also inflict a disastrous imprint on the future of our society. Information on the effects of the "well-meant smack" should therefore be part and parcel of courses for expectant mothers and of counseling for parents."
     

Alice Miller, Excerpt from: "Every Smack is a Humiliation," 1998

A recent National Study conducted by the Academy of Pediatrics suggests that spanking may contribute to future mental health disorders such as anxiety, depression, and substance abuse.

I have long believed that spanking is detrimental to children's emotional health. Ever since I was taught The Nurturing Program early in my career working with children and families, I knew that based on research and a gut instinct that I would not only never spank my kids, but I would do my best to be an advocate of anti-spanking.

But in teaching the Nurturing Program, which was originally intended to be an anti-child abuse curriculum, I discovered that my ideas about anti-spanking were not easily or often well received.

I'm not sure what it is about spanking that people that people hold onto. Is it the seemingly quick fix? Is it an easy way for a parent to release their anger? Granted, it may seem simple, a quick swat and boom, the kid stops doing whatever he/she was doing. But now what? Besides the inevitable tears, no matter how lightly they were swatted, what is the lesson the child learns?

I believe that through spanking, a child does not learn what he should be doing, he simply learns that when mommy or daddy are mad, I get spanked. Plus, it teaches a child that making mistakes is BAD. That failing (which is sometimes the best teacher) is BAD. And it teaches them that making decisions, which are sometimes the wrong ones, means trouble. What will happen as the child grows? He/She will always be looking over their shoulder, wondering what hammer will come down if they try something and get it wrong.

Discpline should be about guidance, about teaching what to do and what not to do. But it's more than that. It's about creating and maintaining a strong relationship between parent and child,  and it's about teaching children how to handle their emotions, and those of others. Spanking not only erodes the relationship between parent and child (by creating fear), it teaches that anger results in physical pain, and it only teaches the child what not to do, not the reason behind it. And it certainly does not teach the right thing to do.

According to the website Project NoSpank, "The spanked child, like one who is denied adequate food, warmth or rest, is less able to regard the parent as a source of love and security. The parent-child relationship is inevitably soured by this betrayal, and consequently the child fails to mature and thrive in the best possible way."

Plus, it's just ugly. It's angry and based on one person's power over another, much smaller person. And in a world full of violence, I feel it is imperative that we learn new patterns of teaching and relating to our kids.  Project NoSpank adds that, "When trust between children and their closest caretakers is damaged, the children's ability to form trusting relationships with others is also damaged, and the effect may be lifelong. People who have been harmed this way tend to see all relationships as negotiations, as deals to be won or lost. They are always on guard. They see honesty and trustfulness in others as weaknesses to be exploited exactly as it was once done to them. They tend to see the world as an extension of their early home life – a dangerous environment in which the best protection against being a victim is to become a victimizer."  To me, the possibility of these outcomes is not worth it.

Those of you who know me, have probably either heard or read my rants on this issue. I know it is a sensitive one and I have tried to be considerate of other parents' feelings. I'm sure I am not always successful. But I care deeply about children, my own and those of this world, which only seem to be growing more violent by the hour. I know spanking is not the sole cause of all this, but I believe it is a contributor and I believe it should stop. 12 years after teaching the Nurturing Program, my ideas about anti-spanking are still not well received, despite growing evidence about it's negative effects.

That's why, whenever a widely covered story about the detrimental effects of spanking comes out, I do a little cheer. And hope that the next generation of parents will finally try a kinder, gentler, approach to raising their children.

The Yahoo News article follows below, and Project NoSpank can be accessed by clicking the link.

MONDAY, July 2 (HealthDay News) -- Spanking or slapping your children may increase the odds that they will develop mental health issues that plague them in adulthood, a new study suggests.

Researchers in Canada found that up to 7 percent of a range of mental health disorders were associated with physical punishment, including spanking, shoving, grabbing or hitting, during childhood.

"We're not talking about just a tap on the bum," said study author Tracie Afifi, an assistant professor in the department of community health sciences at the University of Manitoba, in Winnipeg. "We were looking at people who used physical punishment as a regular means to discipline their children."

Corporal punishment was associated with increased odds of anxiety and mood disorders, including major depression, panic disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder, agoraphobia and social phobia. Several personality disorders and alcohol and drug abuse were also linked to physical punishment, the researchers found.

"What's really important is to know that spanking and other forms of physical punishment come at a cost," said Afifi. "Physical punishment should not be used on children at any age under any circumstances."

While the study finds an association between physical punishment and mental illness, it does not prove that one causes the other.

Previous studies have linked physical punishment to aggression in children, delinquency and emotional, developmental and behavioral impairment. But this study examined its effects on mental health in the absence of more severe physical abuse, sexual abuse or other forms of neglect and mistreatment.

For the study, published online July 2 in the journal Pediatrics, the researchers used 2004-2005 data on about 34,000 individuals aged 20 or older gathered from the U.S. National Epidemiologic Survey on Alcohol and Related Conditions. Participants were questioned face-to-face and asked, on a scale of "never" to "very often," how often they were ever pushed, grabbed, shoved, slapped or hit by their parents or another adult living their home. Those who reported "sometimes" or greater were considered as having experienced harsh physical punishment.

About 6 percent of respondents were considered to have suffered harsh physical punishment. Boys, blacks and those from more educated, more affluent families were most likely to report such abuse, the researchers said.

The researchers adjusted the data to take into account socio-demographic factors and any family history of dysfunction.

Thirty-two countries prohibit physical punishment of children by parents or caregivers, but the practice is legal in the United States and Canada, according to background information in the study. The American Academy of Pediatrics strongly recommends against the use of physical punishment as a form of child discipline.

Nevertheless, the researchers say a survey of U.S. adults showed that 48 percent of respondents reported a history of harsh physical punishment without more severe abuse. A 2010 University of North Carolina study revealed that nearly 80 percent of preschool children in the United States are spanked.

Some experts support the notion that harsh discipline can negatively affect kids but express concerns about the specific implications of this new study.

"While it's a well-done study, looking at a national data sample, there are limitations in the way the study was done," said Dr. Andrew Adesman, chief of developmental and behavioral pediatrics at Steven and Alexandra Cohen Children's Medical Center in New Hyde Park, N.Y. "There are limitations to relying on adults recalling childhood experiences, and it's hard to control for familial psychopathology."

Adesman added that while the research reinforces that there are now more good reasons not to use physical punishment, "we can't infer that physical punishment leads to major psychological disorders."

Still, Adesman said the public needs more education about the dangers of physical punishment to children and the alternatives that parents can effectively use.

"There's a general presumption that parenting comes naturally, but there are things people need to learn. We have PSAs [public service announcements] about all kinds of health issues, but I've yet to hear any tips for providing non-physical punishment to children."

More information

The American Academy of Pediatrics offers tips on disciplining children.

The Holy Spirit

"Before I knowed it, I was sayin' out loud, 'The hell with it! There ain't no sin and there ain't no virtue. There's just stuff people do. It's all part of the same thing.'... I says, 'What's this call, this spirit?' An' I says, 'It's love. I love people so much I'm fit to bust, sometimes.'... I figgered, 'Why do we got to hang it on God or Jesus? Maybe,' I figgered, 'maybe it's all men an' all women we love; maybe that's the Holy Spirit-the human spirit-the whole shebang. Maybe all men got one big soul ever'body's a part of.' Now I sat there thinkin' it, an' all of a sudden, I knew it. I knew it so deep down that it was true, and I still know it."
-
 John Steinbeck, The Grapes of Wrath, Chapter 4

In Praise of Silence

I am busy these days. Really busy. 

I am working part time in Austin which requires an hour commute each way. I pick up kids after school and cart them to various places. I freelance edit and of course, I am working on revising a finished novel and beginning a new one.  And my weekends-they seemed to be filled with finishing all the housework and things I didn't get to finish during the week.  I am forever trying to catch up and sometimes feel like my head is barely above water.

I don't mind being busy so much as I miss having time to think. You see, I am just the kind of person who needs long stretches of quiet, thinkable time.  Maybe it's the writer in me, after all, good ideas don't come when you are running from here to there. Good ideas come when you have down time.  Ever wonder why so many people say they come up with the best ideas in the shower?  It's likely because they, like just about all of us, have no other time to think.

So the other day as I was sitting in Austin morning traffic, listening as always to a radio show and music, I decided to just turn my radio off. The car was suddenly filled with peaceful, glorious quiet. I let the solitude descend over me and then, I thought. I thought about my next novel. I thought about going camping on Spring Break. I thought about home and my kids and my family. My thoughts fluttered up to the surface where I could turn them over for a bit and let the next ones rise. No trying to make them stop so I could concentrate on my work or go to sleep. They simply had free rein to come and go as they pleased.

And you know what? When I got to my destination, I felt more relaxed than I have in months. It was the most wonderful part of my day.

So now, despite a busy schedule, I get a whole hour, twice a day of peace and quiet and thinking. It's a lot like meditating, if you think about it. Which, by the way, I have been told I need to do because of my unrelenting anxiety. But who has the time?


Wait, now I do! 


Look, I even wrote a blog post, something I haven't done since December...

Abundance

I guess it's not that unheard of to be thinking about abundance during the Christmas season, when we are giving and receiving and loving one another to our heart's content.  But even so, I couldn't help thinking about the other 364 days of the year-how we create or take away from the feeling of abundance in the lives of our families.

About a week ago, I saw a video from the Jimmy Kimmel Show, in which he asked parents, his viewers, to tell their children that they were going to open an early Christmas present. The catch was, Jimmy Kimmel told the viewers to put something quite awful in the gift and then watch their child's reaction.  The result was, not surprisingly, a lot of unhappy kiddos as they opened gifts containing half-eaten sandwiches, blackened bananas, and other inappropropriate gifts for anyone, let alone, kids.  Besides the fact that this was, in my opinion, mean, maybe even cruel, surprisingly the reactions the kids gave varied a bit.

I wouldn't say any of the kids were happy, but some threw all out fits, one made-do and ate the banana, and one offered to eat the  half-eaten sandwich his sister had gotten and was crying about.  So why the variations?

I think it's because some kids have more abundance in their lives than others.  I don't mean that some kids have more things than others, because I think abundance resides in our hearts not our hands.  

Now, I know kids love to get toys. They love to have new things-we all do.  But deep down what kids want, what we all want, is to know every second of the day that we are loved and accepted just the way we are.  To have the time and attention of those that we love. To be connected, involved, understood.  And I would bet, that the kids on those videos who threw the biggest fits (one kid even screamed at his parent, "Suck my balls!" Yes. A kid not older than 10) are the ones who feel the least abundant.

Because kids whose parents habitually put their own needs in front of their children's, who criticize more than praise, who cart them off to other caregivers continuously, who give them things but then tell them to, "go and play", who have never watched a kid's television show with them, or played Barbies (especially when they really didn't feel like it) or catch, or video games, or made them playdough or simply just spend time, every day, with them may always believe, may even rely on gifts, to fill the hole inside them where abundance is supposed to be. And toys will not always do the trick, because I believe that a child who grows up without abundance will grow up to fill that hole with much more dangerous things, like drugs and alcohol.

So this Christmas, give all the gifts you want, I will too.  But take some time to look into the eyes of your children, into the eyes of the ones that you love, and give them not just the Christmas spirit, but yours. 

I wish you all much abundance this holiday.

Stand By Folks...

We are experiencing technical difficulties.The blogging gods or some random internet force has suddenly changed my blog design, altering my title picture from screen size to a mere wallet size. 

I haven't figured out yet how to remedy this, but hopefully I will soon, although I'm sure it bothers me more than anyone else!